Ever felt like you just don't belong anywhere?

#1
I am originally from Haiti. I grew up and lived there till the age of 27. Being gay and different I could never really connect with anybody. Knowing that there was this hidden side of me I basically built this cocoon and wouldn't let anybody in. It was an environment where homosexuality was not accepted so i had to survive by not being me.

Then I moved to Canada and came out to my family. That also meant completely cutting all ties I had with my past life. For my family it was a shock. A few weeks later i was supposed to be godfather of one of my niece and my brother straight up told me it wont be possible anymore cause me being gay does not go with his beliefs. Since then it's been "better" with my family (we are 6 brothers and sisters) but it's mostly a "we don't talk about it" situation. I invited them to my wedding and no one showed up.

In a few days I'll be celebrating my 36 birthday and i still feel i don't belong anywhere. My husband is basically the only connection I have to anything. I tried to rebuild a circle of friends and it did not work. I think it is mostly due to cultural differences. We recently move to my husband's hometown and we are close to his family and childhood friends and my situation is just showing even more.

I am not suicidal or anything but some days are harder than others. Today is one.
 
#3
Yup don't feel i belong in my country and want to move to england someday cuz i always liked that country as a cbild it was that and america but yeah now.... i am not a big fan of america anymore cuz it looked way better on tv then is actually is.

Always wanted to move to a new coubtry and start anew ofcourse i would still visit my family and best friend.

So tbh after i have my driver license and stuff next year ima save up for like 3-5 years and move. Should have like a decent amount of money then above the 10s of thousands.

Also planning to finish college or do it there when i have work andife there for a small while.

In my case tho it's o
Purely i don't like this country and dont feel like i fit here and i want to be somewhere else and badly want to in one i always liked.

So yeah after i finished some basic things i still have to finnish here ill move out.
 
#4
Yup don't feel i belong in my country and want to move to england someday cuz i always liked that country as a cbild it was that and america but yeah now.... i am not a big fan of america anymore cuz it looked way better on tv then is actually is.

Always wanted to move to a new coubtry and start anew ofcourse i would still visit my family and best friend.

So tbh after i have my driver license and stuff next year ima save up for like 3-5 years and move. Should have like a decent amount of money then above the 10s of thousands.

Also planning to finish college or do it there when i have work andife there for a small while.

In my case tho it's o
Purely i don't like this country and dont feel like i fit here and i want to be somewhere else and badly want to in one i always liked.

So yeah after i finished some basic things i still have to finnish here ill move out.
Your wolf link tattoo is amazing
 
#5
I feel ya OP. Turning 30 in a few days and I'm realizing a lot of my friend group isn't gonna change from the edgy redneck kids they've always been and the differences between us are too big to ignore now. My relationship with my family has never been very positive and seeing people around me with happy supportive families is a little jarring. I had some fingernail polish on one time when I visited my parents and my mom had a breakdown about it. All the communities I try to be part of end up making me feel out-of-place because people don't seem to think about stuff the same way I do and trying to communicate gets exhausting. Not even sure how I view myself these days, in terms of identity or what I want to do with my life. I still have a small number of good friends and others who look up to me but it's hard to take their encouragement to heart sometimes.

It's shitty that your family didn't show up to your wedding. One of my old friends excluded me from his wedding recently and that's been bothering me. I don't know if it was a personal thing but I can't shake that feeling that it's a sign of our friendship not being what it was. I need to move but I have to make some serious changes to my life to get to that point, and although I am taking the steps to do this it's still challenging to deal with the day-to-day stuff until that time comes.
 
#8
Yes he's white but that has nothing to do with anything. We just don't connect, not sure how I can explain it
I mean him being white means that his social circle is likely white dudes which would be harder for you to connect to as a Haitian and I'm assuming Black dude too, cultural differences and what not. Basically, you need to figure out what is the "real" you right now. If you're constantly pretending to fit in and make friends, you're never going to be happy or feel like you belong. You need to know what it means to "be you" and find people you can be that around.
 
#14
I mean him being white means that his social circle is likely white dudes which would be harder for you to connect to as a Haitian and I'm assuming Black dude too, cultural differences and what not. Basically, you need to figure out what is the "real" you right now. If you're constantly pretending to fit in and make friends, you're never going to be happy or feel like you belong. You need to know what it means to "be you" and find people you can be that around.
You are probably right but i have no idea how to do that or where to star
 
#17
You are probably right but i have no idea how to do that or where to star
LOL, when you figure it out let me know. I too often feel like a pretender in social circles. I'm black, but not exactly Black American. Yeah, I was born here and identify as an American but my parents are Jamaican and the culture is slightly different. Additionally, I grew up pretty well off. We didn't start with money, but my dad busted his butt that by middle school we had moved to the rich part of town. So, I mostly grew up in white neighborhoods and went to white schools. Which means being one of maybe two niggas in the whole classroom, so you never feel truly at home. At the same time, I speak "too white" to kick it with the "real" niggas in HS. Then you grow up, move on, and start a career in a white-dominated world. You're still the minority most everywhere you go, but you've learned how to adapt better.

Right now, I feel like I have a good enough grasp as to who I am and have stopped trying to pretend around people I know. I think that should be your key thing right now, just say fuck it and have fun as yourself. If someone puts on some music you don't like, don't be afraid to say that it's wack. If someone asks you what's your favorite meal or food, don't be afraid to say some Haitian dish they've never heard of. Just be unapologetically you and see who is down with that.
 
#20
LOL, when you figure it out let me know. I too often feel like a pretender in social circles. I'm black, but not exactly Black American. Yeah, I was born here and identify as an American but my parents are Jamaican and the culture is slightly different. Additionally, I grew up pretty well off. We didn't start with money, but my dad busted his butt that by middle school we had moved to the rich part of town. So, I mostly grew up in white neighborhoods and went to white schools. Which means being one of maybe two niggas in the whole classroom, so you never feel truly at home. At the same time, I speak "too white" to kick it with the "real" niggas in HS. Then you grow up, move on, and start a career in a white-dominated world. You're still the minority most everywhere you go, but you've learned how to adapt better.

Right now, I feel like I have a good enough grasp as to who I am and have stopped trying to pretend around people I know. I think that should be your key thing right now, just say fuck it and have fun as yourself. If someone puts on some music you don't like, don't be afraid to say that it's wack. If someone asks you what's your favorite meal or food, don't be afraid to say some Haitian dish they've never heard of. Just be unapologetically you and see who is down with that.
lol I usually do that for the food. When I explain how the dishes are made and what they consist of I get weird faces and that always cracks me up.
 
#21
I feel that way often. Mostly because I'm pretty introverted. I can't go to an event without my partner as an icebreaker.

I don't drink, and I find it hard to relax around people.
 
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