Those of you who take 15 min to poop. What is going on in there?

I'll admit, I'm a faster pooper than most. Not sure why that is, but I don't believe it's related to diet because I've eaten very clean for months and also periods of absolute obese mode, and my Time To Poop or TTP, does not seem to change much.

But I've noticed there are a lot of men, including some of my friends, that take 15-20 minutes to poop almost every time. I've spoken to them about this, and they are not just in there on their phones. It's actually taking them this long for the drop and plop.

So, long poopers. What's the deal? Do you eat cheese-steaks exclusively? I'm concerned for you colon health.
Hey! Sometimes I get constipated!

Though I'd tell those that just sit in the toilet doing nothing but be on their phone to reconsider, that's how you get hemorrhoids.

But seriously you need to understand that the human body is a complex combination of systems and not all of them work well for all people at all times. Just google constipation for one.
Making absolutely sure it's all 100% clear, then wiping with great thoroughness. Possibly with getting distracted on the phone at some stage.
Welp, it was gonna come out one way or another.

So when I go into the bathroom I generally produce a scenario in my brain in which I'm in charge of saving humanity. In this scenario, the bathroom is my spaceship, things like the toilet paper and the various books I keep on the counter I pretend are space manuals. Anyway, I have to contact my remaining family members to say goodbye and stuff, because soon the spaceship will launch and I'll be sent directly into an asteroid (on a collision course with earth).

This takes about 10-12 minutes, and then finally I poop. Pooping has special significance in this scenario -- at the very moment I poop I time it so that it lines up with when my rocket is about to hit the asteroid (killing me).

This makes pooping a lot more emotional and interesting for me.
I'm definitely ignorant of the main event when it comes to IBS, but I guess I assumed it would come shootin out like a caged animal let free?
It entirely depends, for me it's either like that or I get constipated, both are as bad as each other.

The other option is people like to make sure they're properly wiped and clean.
I was literally going to make a thread like this today. Lol.

I usually range anywhere from 15 to 30 minutes, and everyone at work teases me about it.
I'm definitely ignorant of the main event when it comes to IBS, but I guess I assumed it would come shootin out like a caged animal let free?
I am one step further with a full blown IBD/Autoimmune disease.

Some days its one way some days its the other. Most days you think you are done and start to clean up and you are in there for another ten.

Many many days you get ghosted because you feel like shit and think you have to shit and then you spent 15 minutes on nothing and still habe no relief.

Other days I am deathly afraid I am going to shit my pants so I make an extra concerted effort to avoid that.

I can go on and on. I wish the US had bidets everywhere as I would use those all the time and feel cleaner/safer. Also due to the nature of my disease it doesn’t matter one lick what I eat it can all have good/bad effect.
I actually sometimes straight up poo for 20-30 minutes. I get so much shit from my wife, but I literally can't help it. I try to hurry up and sometimes even I'll stop mid-poo and just end up back on the toilet to finish.

I mean I'm not straight pooping for 20 minutes there is (sometimes long) breaks between anything coming out but I can't leave the bathroom until I get that "I got to poop" feeling out of me which is sometimes a huge inconvenience when I'm on a tight schedule.